


Berlin, Take Me Home.

by residentsheeper



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon Trans Character, Episode 9, How Do I Tag, M/M, Mentions of Outing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 20:37:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19092682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/residentsheeper/pseuds/residentsheeper
Summary: The train screeches to a halt. He is in Berlin now.Coming back is a mistake. David can no longer bear the idea of coming back to the city. He has to go somewhere. Somewhere where no one can find him - where he can plan where to go next, away from this terrible, terrible city that he cannot wait to get out of. Everything else is secondary now.





	Berlin, Take Me Home.

**Author's Note:**

> So hi, (waves)  
> This is my first ever fic in any fandom and first time I write non-academically in four years, so I don't really know how this turned out. I very much appreciate constructive criticism and feedbacks as I dabble with writing things.
> 
> I wrote this in one sitting in more or less 5/6 hours. It is sort of an interpretation of the scenes in episode 9 I guess? And yes, be warned that there are mentions of the outing scene as this is canon-compliant.

**Donnerstag 18:00**

The train is pulling its way into Berlin. David can see it: coming into view is the skylines of the city that gave him so much painful memories - not being accepted by his own parents, being bullied by his peers in his old school, maltreatment by the teachers. And now, being outed in front of the whole school, being laughed at and filmed right in front of Matteo. _Matteo_.

Berlin is also the city that gave him Matteo. The pale-skinned boy with a mop of messy blond hair, stormy-sea eyes, and the crooked smirk. The boy that seemed so sad yet so willing to open himself to David. The boy who blanked when David came out as transgender to him. The boy who reached out after that regardless. The boy he pushed away yet again. _Matteo_.

David thought he could handle this situation. When he told Matteo on Monday he would come back today, when he stepped on the train this very afternoon, he thought he could brave it out. It is just one more exam, then he is done with his Abitur. Then he could move on with his life. Maybe with Matteo.

David’s breath catches. His confidence that he could brave it out is slipping rapidly. Suddenly he finds himself slipping down the rabbit hole again - the feeling of everyone looking at him; the feeling that he wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. He cannot do this. Everything seems to be closing in on him. He cannot bear this. He has to _run_.

The train screeches to a halt. He is in Berlin now.

Coming back is a mistake. David can no longer bear the idea of coming back to the city. He has to go somewhere. Somewhere where no one can find him - where he can plan where to go next, away from this terrible, terrible city that he cannot wait to get out of. Everything else is secondary now.

* * *

**Donnerstag 20:25**

Somehow, David’s feet brought him back to here. This abandoned building that gave him Matteo.

It is bittersweet, coming back here without Matteo by his side. He scales the gate once again - this time with a bit more difficulty, considering he has his large gym bag with his belongings that he took with him to Fürstenberg. Walking along the same path; Going in through the same opening in the ground; Exploring the same halls. _Without Matteo_.

David is not even sure if he still has Matteo in his life.

Matteo is an anomaly to David’s plan. He moved schools for abitur, planning to stay low profile, get through abi, then move out of dodge to a place where he can just be himself. Maybe getting into a film program somewhere if he were lucky and realise his dream. Not that he believed in luck - or fate.

Then Matteo appeared. The sad boy who was so desperate to open up to David, the boy who reached for David time and again despite being pushed away. The boy who seemed to understand and accommodate him no matter what. The boy who wormed his way into David’s heart. The boy who put cracks into David’s plan. The boy David _fell in love with_. The boy who David _doesn’t know if he loves him the same way_.

They never talked about what this is between them, and David is not sure if he wants to talk about it, or if there is anything to be talked about at all. He only had Laura in his life for such a long time, and. _Fuck_. He is going to run away from Laura too. He cannot take Laura away from Berlin, this is too much to ask of his sister after she had already taken care of him when no one else would.

The phone lights up again. Drawing him out of his thoughts.

_7 Missed Calls from Laura_

_Laura_  
“Are you back in Berlin yet?” - 18:43

 _Laura_  
“Hey where are you David? Did you take another train?” - 19:27

 _Laura_  
“Are you with Matteo?” - 19:40

 _Laura_  
“David please pick up the phone” - 20:13

 _Laura_  
“David where are you?” - 20:35

He sighs, opens the door to the pool. The nostalgia of the happier, carefree times hits him. He scales the pool ladder and pulls out his sleeping bags to set up shop for the night. This seems to be a place where no one would find him while he decides where he should go next. He paces along the swim lanes, reminiscing the memories of his last time here.

When he returns to his makeshift bed, his phone is vibrating. _Matteo_.

 _Matteo_  
“Are you in Berlin yet?” - 20:40

 _Matteo_  
“David where are you? I am really worried!! Laura told me you did not come home” - 20:54

 _Matteo_  
“Your sport exam is tomorrow!!! I will wait there for you. Be there!!” - 20:56

 _I can’t_. He wants to text back. But he physically could not bring himself to text back either. David turns off his phone and pulls out his sketchbook. He will sketch something and maybe go to sleep. If he could sleep at all.

* * *

**Freitag 11:03**

The daylight that comes through the windows wakes David from his slumber. His back aches from sleeping on the hard pool floor, the sleeping bag unsurprisingly providing little comfort. He turns his phone back on. 11 AM. He has skipped his sports exam. Now, he has to decide what is next for him. Opening the map app on his phone, he starts to think. He could hardly change his name and move to South America and pretend he never existed, nor does he really have the means to move to Detroit, no matter how much this idea appealed to him right now.

* * *

**Freitag 20:20**

He can maybe go back to Fürstenberg to his godmother. Or maybe move across the country to Hamburg, or even somewhere in North Rhine-Westphalia and start over. He can tell Laura about his whereabouts after he has moved. She will understand. He can burn all the other bridges like he has done before and start fresh again. Almost.

_Matteo_

David still does not believe in fate. He loves Matteo. He wants Matteo in his life. But he does not know if he can bear to find out whether Matteo wants him as much as he wants Matteo. Nor does he think he will have a life where he has someone in his life. It is not in his plan. _It is not so bad to be alone. Everyone is alone._ He will start over, maybe finally stick to his plan this time. Alone.

He still has to tell Matteo. No matter if Matteo still wants him after all this, he deserves to hear from David. After everything.

“Dear Matteo, I am underwater, without oxygen, and thinking about you. I have so much that I want to tell you, but I cannot stay here. I must go. It is not so bad to be alone, we are all alone. If fate had been on our side, I would have taken you with me. Do not forget that.” 

_Do not forget me._

He sighs, for the hundredth time today. Why did he tell Matteo he is under water? Maybe he still subconsciously wants to see Matteo again. Maybe he wants to convince himself that Matteo would pick up on the reference and choose to not find him, and he could finally move on. Honestly? David does not know. His heart aches, uttering those words, telling both Matteo and himself both that they will not see each other again.

He sits down again on his makeshift bed. He will leave first thing tomorrow. First to Fürstenberg, then elsewhere where the ghosts and demons of Berlin cannot reach him.

* * *

**Freitag 20:40**

David can hear footsteps in the building. He hopes it is not the guard and his dog again, as he is definitely not looking forward to running again, especially not when he still has his sleeping bags out and not when he feels drained from all the emotions he is experiencing. He tries to ignore it and reasons that there is no reason for anyone to look into the pool when he is not making any noise at all and turns back to the sketch he is drawing.

The footsteps seem to be getting closer. Then he sees it. Messy blond hair, grandpa jacket, red scarf and a _mildly furious_ face. _Matteo_. David stops his drawing and does not really know how he should react. He may have held a tiny hope of seeing Matteo again, but he did not imagine seeing him for real, nor does he know what he should say or do, especially when the first things that come out of Matteo’s mouth are “Are you kidding me?”. He does, however, feels all the emotions bubbling up to the surface, along with the urge to run. Not that he has anywhere to run to when his stuff are still on the floor and Matteo coming down his only path of escape - ripping the swim lanes out of the way and heading straight for him.

He does manage to set down his sketchbook and get up, taking a few steps towards the shallower end, as if he _can_ get around Matteo and run, as if he _wants_ to run away _from_ Matteo. When he wants anything but. He doesn't even know anymore - what to do with himself, what to do with this situation.

“Are you fucking serious?” comes Matteo’s next question. David does not know what to make of Matteo’s questions either. He cannot really tell what Matteo is thinking at this moment. He can only tell Matteo is frustrated and hurt, and he can also feel his emotions starting to overflow. He tears up a bit. He cannot bear the thought of being told in his face that he is not wanted for who he is, nor can he bear the thought that this soft, beautiful boy in front of him is hurting and that it might be caused by him. His inner demons are showing their faces, engulfing David.

“What is wrong?” a much softer question. Maybe his feelings are showing on his face, and the soft and caring Matteo makes his appearance again. _Maybe he cares. How can someone he hurt over and over still care about him?_ David’s emotions overflow at this thought.

“I can’t do this anymore.” “At my old school, they called me a retard because I had to use the accessible toilet. I tried not to take it personally but I…” he trails off, and Matteo looks back up, right in his eyes. _Waiting. Listening._

“And the teachers, though they knew, they called me by my fucking birthname. They have treated me like the lowest of _scum_ and it was only getting worse. I could not even sleep anymore, and just wanted to run away.” The worst of his memories all surface, despite his efforts to repress them, to get away from them, he had to let it out, as it has been eating him up from the inside ever since last week, when _that_ happened. His voice quivers, tears threaten to spill out. “I wanted a fresh start.” It is painful, considering how it has turned out.

Matteo is still silent, looking into his eye. Not willing to interrupt. It is one of the boy’s qualities, the ability to listen, to understand.

“And now… I am at the exact same point again”

“No.” An interruption. Matteo disagrees. And how can he not see that? How everyone looks at him, treats him as a joke, laughs at him and everything? How can Matteo not _understand_?

David can no longer hold back, emotions in full flow. He moves away from Matteo. “You have seen that! How they looked at their mobile phones, this disgust.” _You were there, you have seen it for yourself, how can you not understand?_

“It will be the same again.”

“No it will not.” Matteo counters.

“Of course it will! They will laugh at me, or ask how I pee, or how I have sex, or…” David is raising his voice, the hurt and frustration, the scars from the past all appearing. _Matteo has to understand._

“Yes, but now I am here” Matteo screams back. _Matteo. Screaming._ Matteo, the soft, quiet boy, screaming. At his face. That he is here now. David is stunned into a momentary silence.

Matteo is here for him. Matteo still wants him.

“Then let’s run away, somewhere else…” But he is interrupted again “Man, no!” and it is David who does not understand. Matteo is here for him, but he does not want to run away with him. This does not compute in David’s mind. What else can he do here, in a place where no one accepts him, barring Laura and _maybe_ Matteo?

“What am I supposed to do HERE?” David demands. He does not understand. He really does not understand. What does Matteo think he can do here when he cannot even be himself in peace?

“Man, you should…” Matteo screams back, pulling at David’s collar, but trails off. Lets go of him.

David’s mind is racing. _Why did Matteo let go? Why did Matteo not tell him what he thinks can be done if he is so adamant that they should not run? Does Matteo really want him? Or did he decide he is not worth running away with after all?_ He is _hurt_. He has to _know_. “What?” he challenges.

Matteo seems to have collected himself, as _soft and caring Matteo makes a return_ , “You know…” Matteo pokes at his chest, “you are so cool and you haven’t even realised that, okay?” he says with a ghost of a smile on his face, and David is confused, he does not even know how this might turn out anymore. Matteo continues though “Do you have any idea how supportive everyone was in the last days? Everyone was at my place thinking about what they could do to make you feel better and to help you.”

And David cannot really believe what he is hearing. In his mind, it is simple. He gets outed, and people will treat him as some sort of pariah, _some vampire_ , that has to run away and hide from society, just so he can live as _himself_. And now Matteo is telling him not only Matteo, but also his group of friends did not turn their backs on David, and are accepting of him?

As if Matteo could read his mind, or it is very simply that Matteo really _gets_ David to the atomic level, he continues - “And you’re not some fucked up vampire who has to hide from society or something like that.” David has to remind himself to _breathe_ , this is a lot for him to process and he tries very hard to get his emotions under control at the same time. “Okay? You are not that.” Matteo says it with conviction.

This is the acceptance he always wanted to have, for being accepted for who he is, and now Matteo is offering him just that, that what he wants is not just a pie in the sky, but something that he can have for himself. That people will stand behind his back and support him.

Matteo is not done though. “I am here, and therefore you have all the time in the world…” He pauses. David looks him in the eye. Matteo breaks the eye contact, and starts turning away as he says, softly “...because I love you.” There is the revelation. The affirmation David has been looking for about this _thing_ between himself and Matteo. That Matteo wants David the same way he wants Matteo. He needs to hear it again to make sure he is not imagining things. “What?”

Matteo turns back, smiling “I am not saying that again.” But David _needs_ him to. “What did you say?”

Matteo relents though, looking away as if he is embarrassed “because I love you”. Then finally turning back, looking David in the eye. And yes, David _did not_ imagine that.

If David were being honest, nearly all of the scenarios he imagined involved Matteo not showing up and him moving on. And in the scenarios where Matteo showed up, none of them ended up in being told that he is loved and supported, nor is there any scenario that he thought Matteo would say he loves David after everything.

David stares at Matteo for some more, then kicks into action and kisses Matteo. Touches his face. Things that he did not think he would get to do again.

“I love you too.” He whispers back.

At this moment, he emerges.

It feels like coming home.

Matteo is home, and therefore Berlin can be home too.

It does not mean everything is fixed. But he knows there is someone who loves him, understands him and welcomes him back with open arms despite everything that has happened, despite the hardships that the stormy seas of life throw at them. They could face the world together. Hand in hand. Forever. _With Matteo._

**Author's Note:**

> I very much appreciate all of you that made it to the end. I hope this fic is not too bad, as I don't think I have ever really invested time in writing. I would very much appreciate your feedback.
> 
> Also, hmu at davenziabend.tumblr.com if you wish :)


End file.
